Happy Birthday, Grandma!

Today is our Grandma's birthday! Our grandma is really nice and very smart. She thinks we're both brilliant - that's how we know. Our Grandma loves to send us books and clothes. Our mommy is always getting compliments on our outfits and she always says, "It's from Grandma!" We wish we could see our grandma more often, but when we do see her it's always tons of fun. She loves to be outside and so do we. She loves dogs and so do we. She likes ice cream and guess what? So do we! isn't that amazing?

Happy Birthday, Grandma! We'll see you in exactly three weeks. We love you.

More pumpkins.

I love this 100% genuine smile. BB is into the squinty smile for pictures these days. I think he looks so pleased here!

Fall Fun

Today we went with our Sunday school class of young married adults to a fall festival at Sweet Berry Farms. We had a picnic, pet some goats, went on a hay ride, walked through a tunnel, and brought home some pumpkins. Although being 90 degrees it did not feel like fall, it was a fun afternoon. BB is really into tunnels right now, and it is one of his few two-syllable words. The tunnel was a big treat. BB picked out a pumpkin for himself and a smaller one for his baby. It was so cute.

I've got a few more pictures but it's taking too long to upload them. I'll add them soon.

Happy fall!

Big boys go to school.

Look at this big kid going to school! OK, so he's not quite 2 years old, so he's not really a big kid. Our guy really enjoys school. When I drop him off he doesn't even look twice at me, he just starts learning. After I pick him up his little brother is so happy to see him. They giggle at each other in the car and then more at home. BB gets a nap at school so we just play the rest of the day. On Tuesday we met with some friends at a park so the kids could play. It was a good day. It's too hot, though!

Sweet boys

This time last year, this time last year, this time last year, this time last year, thi

I am getting very nostalgic as the birthdays of my guys approach. I'm always thinking to myself, "This time last year I was x weeks pregnant and BB was LB's age," and "This time last year I wore a pink maternity shirt to Waterloo when my family ways here," and "This time last year I was getting up every morning at 4am to use the bathroom," etc. I know it's going to get worse and worse as the birthdays approach.

It has been quite an exciting few years! I'm loving the idea of not having a newborn at Christmas time and being able to sleep through the night most of the time, but I am feeling that sense of letdown one has after a long anticipated big event is over. In 2006 BB was born in late October and in 2007 LB was born in late October. Who is going to be born late this October? No one into our house and that's a fact.

I don't know that we'll ever seek to add any more humans to our household. It's pretty nice being a family of 4. We don't have any more rooms anyway! I do know that God has granted me peace about not "trying for a girl," so you all can stand down on that front. I've always wanted a daughter, but I haven't always wanted more than 2 children.

I do feel sad sometimes that it is very likely I won't ever have a daughter by birth or adoption, but that's what daughters-in-law are for. Who could have been a better daughter than Ruth for Naomi (Your people shall be my people and your God will be my God. Ruth 1:16-17)? Seeing as we weren't sure we would ever have children, how could we not feel so abundantly blessed with our little guys! I guess it's possible that next year I'll be thinking, "This time 2 years ago," and then, "This time 3 years ago," and on and on.

OK, that's all. I'm hungry. TTFN.

Modern "conveniences."

I am afraid that the Internet may be the downfall of my writing career. No, I'm not a professional writer trying to earn a living, but I enjoy it and could see myself trying to get something published someday. However, I just can't imagine sitting down to write and doing nothing but for more than about two minutes. When I'm on the computer I feel the need to constantly check my email, read about Wendi, play a few games of Word Challenge on Facebook or find out what's going on at Hannah's Prayer or Parenting After Infertility ministries. I also feel I need to sweep the floor, clean my person in some way, and of course listen for my cute little guys waking up from a nap.

A question in the Bible study I'm doing asked what were some of the things that keep me from doing what is important, like spending time in fellowship with the Lord. My #1 and #2 answers were television and the Internet, and not necessarily in that order. After spending time praying and thinking about this the Holy Spirit revealed to me that I am relying on TV and the Internet to relax and calm me instead of relying on God for those things.

As soon as I get my kids to bed for nap time I typically eat some comfort food and turn on the boob tube. I get sucked in and before I know it someone or the other is crying and needing attention. My "me" time has then been spent doing something with no eternal value and really hasn't relaxed or refreshed me at all. I don't learn anything on TV that I can teach my children or use in any other way, and it does not bring me peace lasting for very long. When I do something like Bible study, reading, or writing I do feel like I've learned something I can use and have experienced some nice quiet that I don't get when I watch Tyra at one o'clock.

We had a new couch delivered today and the old one is sitting under me in the bay window in the dining room. I thought if I sat here to write something it would begin to break my habit of automatically turning on the television when the kids go down for naps. I have managed to leave the TV off and the only reason I opened another browser was to remind me how to spell "o'clock." (Did I do it right?) So I guess it has worked for now. I feel like I am done with this piece, so can I avoid turning on the TV or spending the next 20 minutes surfing the net? We'll see.

Poison Control to Major Mom

Today was my first call to Poison Control! I didn't want to call at first because I was pretty sure it wasn't serious, and I was afraid they would come to take me away for not supervising my kids. BB ate the top of a Creative Memories Photo-Safe pen in gold. I was in the bathroom for a minute and when I came out he was holding the pen sans nib. I found the lid on the floor so he obviously hadn't ingested that, at least.

The lady was really nice and she asked me a bunch of questions like, "What did you think you were doing going into the bathroom by yourself and CLOSING THE DOOR????" Just kidding. She asked about his age, weight, if he was acting sick, etc. The bottom line, if you ever need to know, is that the Creative Memories Photo-Safe pen in gold is non-toxic. You can now rest assured if you ever accidentally ingest one.

We have grandparents!

Well, we all have grandparents, Don't we? But our BB has 4 sets of grandparents now! OK, he's had that many all along, but we've recently been in contact with another set of BB's birth grandparents. It's pretty cool.

I sent them some pictures of our family a while ago but hadn't heard back, so I sent some more a few weeks ago. We received a letter in the mail today from his birth grandmother and apparently she had written after the first batch of pictures but we didn't receive her letter. We also received a picture this last set of birth grandparents, aunt, and 3 more cousins, bringing the cousin total up to 9!

This is so cool. Not the family we expected when we began to try to add children to our life, but a family for sure. A great, big blended one. This isn't much different from a family with a couple of divorces and remarriages either. It makes holidays a bit more hectic, but when aren't they?

We also recently received pictures of BB's birth-half-sibling who just turned 1. There are now no obvious branches missing from BB's family tree. We were out climbing trees this morning, so this makes an applicable metaphor for today.

What a difference less than a year makes.

Autumn days

LB is wearing the costume his big brother wore the day LB was born. I had taken him outside to snap some pictures in the lion costume, 20 minutes after we came inside the contractions began, and less than 7 hours later Thing 1 became BB.

BB had been wearing a Tigger costume but had fallen and bumped his head and would not be consoled. So we had the photographer snap some quick shots with the singing cat that helped BB forget about the fall. I was giving him kisses to help comfort him. He is a good kisser. Later LB gave me his first kisses, too. Such sweet boys.

Cousins!

Obviously we're missing some very important cousins in this picture, but here are three!

Supreme blessings.

I'm waiting for a baby to start crying. I have something important I want to write, but it's hard to get it down wondering if in the next 10 seconds Mr. Cat Nap is going to wake up. This is how most days go at present, which has something to do with what I have on my heart. Let's see if this will happen.

It has been a busy, relatively aimless summer. During the school year I am usually involved in a Bible study during the day, but most of the summer goes by without me being in something organized. This has made me feel ungrounded and a little isolated. I am looking forward to my Moms Together Bible study beginning this week. Today I realized just how much I need that and how meaningful it is to me and to others.

I took the boys to the gym today so I could get some exercise, a shower, and let's face it, some kid-free time. Afternoons have been long with LB's short naps and I thought I could use some extra energy to have a good afternoon today. The gym I sometimes go to is on one of our church's campuses, and it is the same building in which we have Moms Together. Today when I walked in I saw several of the coordinators of this group working on some administrative things in the building.

Diane greeted the boys and I with a big smile, a hearty hello, and a high five for BB. "Look at the name tags, aren't they pretty?" she said. She was rejoicing over the little things - an important reminder to do the same. A few minutes later after dropping off the kids I came back through the room and recognized more of the ladies sitting together at a table discussing our group and I'm positive they were also praying for us. "Here is one of our girls!" someone exclaimed as I walked by. A girl! Gotta love these women, I'm a girl! I felt like a celebrity. A young celebrity.

After working out I went down the hall to check on LB and I passed another small group of women taking a tour of the nursery. One checked on LB for me since I was worrying about how he was doing today. He hadn't taken a morning nap and was upset this morning. (He just woke up from his 30-minute afternoon nap, just as I'd expected.) I left there to go hit the showers and out popped Glendarae from another of the rooms in the hall.

It was like an amusement park in that church building today. and the featured attractions were these lovely ladies ensconsed in every room and at every table preparing, praying, and studying their Bibles, all to be there for younger women like me who spend our days changing diapers, nursing and feeding babies, reading the same book a million times, saying things like, "No, sweetie, don't lick that," and "No, that's cat food, Stinker." These ladies give their time, effort, and talents in order to love and mentor to others. To me!

I knew that a lot of work went into this time of Bible study, food, and fellowship. I'd heard about prayer meetings and leaders lunches and have benefitted from all of the personal touches at our Bible study tables and in our large groups. But only today do I guess I really got to see first hand what goes into this. It was like God showing me how much I am loved and prayed for, and how important my job of raising children is, even when it seems like all administrative work and menu planning. I needed it, I know I did. It's easy to get stuck in a mommy rut and start to think that my job isn't important for the greater good of God's kingdom.

What a neat morning. Now I'm perfectly content that No Nap McGee woke up after a 30 minute nap and is now playing happily at my feet drinking water from Big Brother's cup and talking to himself. This is a good job - an important job. So important that God has appointed angels to pray for me and teach me what it means to disciple others. Right now BB and LB are my disciples, but maybe in the future I'll be sitting in one of those rooms praying for "My girls," or as my leaders call us, "Our moms." It's so cute.

Thank you, Titus 2 moms, can't wait to see you on Thursday! I am rejoicing in you today, and in the little things, too. (Although, not diapers. Maybe next semester.)

Love,
Amy

My wares

Here are my knitting projects as requested by Niki. Are you impressed yet? Here come the legwarmers! Haha.

Daddy's roadie

When Big Brother is at "school," Little Brother gets the run of the house. Randy took a few days off work to take care of some things he's been meaning to get to, including replacing the tubes in this amp. (Did I get that right?) So, LB practiced "helping" Daddy by playing roadie for the morning. He's even multitasking - eating some puffs from a can while adjusting the levels. Thanks, dude.

I can knit a coaster!

I knit my very first precious coaster. It's green - rather, honeydew.

More on this tremendously creative knitting project when it is not bedtime. I was just excited about my first finished knitting project and had to share.

More, as promised.

Years ago my MIL (mother-in-law) taught me how to crochet. I was into the baby afghan scene for awhile, but since the boys arrived I haven't had time for big projects. She is an amazing knitter, too (Hi, Frances!), but I decided to save that lesson for a rainy day. Or, an Iowa day.

A year ago or so (correct me if I'm wrong), my mom re-discovered her inner knitter! She told me she and her friends used to knit socks for their boyfriends in college. I think she said, "It's just what we did." Isn't that funny? Was that sort of like being pinned? Receiving socks? (Anyone having mental pictures of Dobby in his pillowcase here?) Anyway, she gave me a book called "The Friday Night Knitting Club," and it was one of the best books I've ever read. It was just amazing. I decided maybe a proverbially rainy day had come.

When I went home for my high school reunion I found some yarn and a pattern in my guest bedroom. Over the next few days my mom began to teach me how to knit. The first part was winding the ball of yarn. We had some good discussion and hearty laughs over rolling the yarn ball. She casted on a row for me and taught me the knit stitch. We had a lot more fun knitting, mostly because I was such a mess at knitting.

The next step was figuring out what on earth the pattern would create. All it said on the pattern, besides instructions, was "The Howl." I thought it looked like a muff to keep your hands warm. Then I thought maybe it was a dish towel because towel rhymes with howl. We had a lot of laughs trying to figure out what it was, and we never did! So this beautiful yarn became my practice piece, and boy, it is interesting!

I came home knitting away, though still poorly, and then I found a youtube video and learned to purl. My MIL showed me how to bind off a few weeks ago, and then I bought a book. The lady who helped me at Michael's suggested a popular book that is written for teenagers. I find that the instructions in "beginners" books are actually pretty advanced, in my opinion. The projects in this book are for things like coasters, posies (knit flowers), and legwarmers. I think maybe I'll knit a pair of legwarmers for my knitting mentor, Dr. Ann Thompson. Perhaps she'll wear them for an international speaking engagement this fall. It cat get cold in places like the Ukraine, right? ;o)

Laundry capers

What stinks?

First day of school.

I dropped off Big Brother at school this morning, late because I wanted to take some pictures before we left. When I dropped him off in the room he just started playing on the slide, but he did cry when I left. After dropping him off I met with a few friends to pray about our children's first day of school and for our mommy hearts at loosening the reins a little bit. Little Brother crawled around on the floor and "talked" while we prayed.

It was fun being alone with LB after we got home. I realized that so much of how I see LB is as BB's baby brother. LB got a kick out of having the run of the house to himself, playing with whatever toys he liked, and having Mommy all to himself. Having LB here alone also reminded me of how much work a toddler is! It was much easier to take care of a few little things around the house when I only had the little guy.

Naps definitely were an issue today. LB has been having some serious napping issues, and today just compounded them. He probably slept for a total of 50 minutes today. We did spend about an hour and a half in the car driving back and forth, so that limits his napping windows.

It wasn't exactly the easy day I was hoping for, but it definitely went fast! I think this Mother's Day Out gig is a good idea for all of us. I definitely enjoyed my one-on-one time with BB this afternoon, having been away from him for most of the day, and it was really fun being able to give LB my undivided attention. BB goes back to school on Friday.

My new tooth.

My big brother went to school today. It was neat! I got to crawl around on the chapel floor and pull up on the sound equipment while our mommy and her friends prayed, . Then we went home and I hardly napped at all and had my mommy at my beck and call. She took pictures of me enjoying having the house all to myself. I missed my big bro, but we had a reunion after his nap and my 15 minute catnap. Meow.

Cups are fun.

Flunked out.

LB failed his psychiatric testing today. Well, not really, but he was not a dream subject.

For this infant perception study they have the baby look at images on a screen. When the baby gets bored with the stimulus (habituates to it), his looking time decreases. Then the researchers can tell when the baby notices a new stimulus because he will look longer again. Well, LB just wasn't interested in the screen at all and wasn't paying attention to the images in the first place, so they couldn't compare his looking time to the test images. We got a cup as a consolation prize.

It was fun anyway, showing off my cute baby. He was waving his arms and looking all over the place at anything other than the screen. He loved his cup, too!

What kind of adventure is up for my boys tomorrow? I wonder.

Worn out.

I'm really done. I don't know why this past week has kicked my mommy butt. I don't even know what to say about this. I'm just plum tuckered out.

Tomorrow Little Brother is going to be a guinea pig. We are going to the University to be in an infant perception study. I'll drop Big Brother off with Daddy and head off to the lab. Should be good stuff.

Tonight we went out to an impromptu dinner with friends and our 3 boys. Hey - a whole world exists outside of my home. Wow.

OK, that's it. No more barfing stories, Nik.

Emetophobes do NOT read.

(That means fear of yakkage.)

I had a really gross experience today that might actually be funny someday. Randy played guitar in our evening church service this evening. It was a special occasion as they usually play early service. Against my better judgment tonight, I loaded the kids up in the car to go watch. I just had a feeling it was the wrong thing to do. It was.

When we were almost there, I heard gagging from the back seat. We were at a stoplight and I was able to look to see what was happening. Big Brother was throwing up back there. Gross enough, right? Well, he had eaten strawberries, hot dog with ketchup, and a square of dark chocolate for dessert. All of these foods combined to look like the stomach contents of a zombie.

In the past week we have watched 2 zombie movies. I have never seen a zombie movie before this, so 2 in one week is quite noteworthy. I'm pretty sure my child could get a starring role after tonight.

The good news is that it seems this might be a one-time deal. The poor baby was able to keep down the fluids I gave him after we cleaned up. Hopefully he'll be better tomorrow. He was asking for food before bed, but I was not going to go there again today.

Create much?

I think I've done something pretty neat.

Did you know that I was a musician? Probably, since I used to student teach music and at one point in my life posted about it more often.

Ever since I was a little girl I used to like to write music. I'm not much of a lyricist, but I've always enjoyed composing melodies and harmonies. I haven't done it in a really long time, although I did arrange "Be Thou My Vision" for a friend's wedding processional a few years back.

When Big Brother was a wee bairn I used to sing him to sleep, and around Valentine's Day of 2007 a lullaby emerged. The lyrics are silly, but I think the melody is kind of catchy. The lyrics are:

Baby [B.B.], I love you.
I would take you over the ocean blue.
Baby [B.B.], you are mine,
Won't you be my Valentine?

I need to write it down and notate it. I only ever sing the melody, but I can "hear" what harmonies I'd like to go with it.

Now another lullaby has emerged for Little Brother. The lyrics are equally silly!

L.B.Rino, I love you,
L.B. Rino, my love is true.
L.B. Rino, how I love you so,
L.B. Rino.

Again I sing him the melody every night, but I also can hear in my head the harmonies that go with the tune. This evening I sat down at the piano and played around with it a little bit. The result, I thought, was quite lovely and it made me cry. I need need to notate it, too. It's so pretty, and music always makes me cry anyway, so I'm quite taken with myself right now.

Lately I've been feeling sad that my babies are growing up and some day I won't get to hold them in my arms and rock them to sleep.* However, with these songs I can always, always go back to them and connect with my feelings about my sweet boys when they were babies.

These boys have been miracles in my life. BB satisfied my long-unfulfilled dream of a baby to love. Thanks to his birthmom who has given us the most precious gift, we were able to become parents. Even though LB is our biological child, he will never replace or compare to our firstborn child who began to quench such a great longing to be parents. Just as parents love each child differently (not more or less), I love both of my children differently, although the same. Make sense?

Anyhow, forgive me if it sounds as if I'm bragging about my great musical prowess as a composer. Whether someone else thinks my songs are wonderful or not isn't important to me. I'm just pleased that I have a way to remember each of these guys.

I promise I won't call L.B. "L.B. Rino" when he goes to college.

*I feel I have to point out that when I start feeling nostalgic about these guys' babyhood, I try to remember my friends and others who have lost children, either by infertility, miscarriage, stillbirth, or death, and to remember how blessed we are that we even get to hold these babies on this earth at all. Love and prayers to you if this has been your experience.

Liar, liar pants on fire.

Ooooh - I'm in trouble! Well not really, but maybe I should be.

There was a time in my past where I lied a lot. Not really bold-face out and out lies, but lies of omission and half-truth. I had a little trust issue with someone important in my life. That person didn't trust me which made me even more untrustworthy as I felt I had to lie about what I was doing.

In any case, my life is very different now. Partially because of my experience I think I'm quite honest, maybe even to a fault. I probably cop to things that could just be left unsaid. I am into transparency, though.

So back to my story. Today I was needing a break from being Mommy. I planned a trip to the grocery store which scarily enough feels like a getaway sometimes. I also thought I might go to Starbucks, have a coffee (because a 103 degree day is a great day to go for a coffee), and read or journal. I didn't tell my husband about that part of my trip, not because I thought he'd say he'd rather I didn't, because he is great at understanding my need for time away, but I guess I just wanted to do something on my own without accounting to anyone.

So I did get to Starbucks and I wrote in a journal for awhile, then I went to the grocery store. By the time I got into the car after shopping it was 5:30 and all of the sudden I panicked. I had been gone for almost 2 hours and it certainly doesn't take that long to get to the store and back. What would I tell my husband? That I had planned to go to Starbucks but figured I wouldn't tell him, and that's why it took so long? That I had to "run another errand" before going to the store? That I talked on the phone for awhile before going to the store? (I did, but that only took a few minutes.) What if the baby had been fussing the whole time I was gone and Randy was wondering where the heck I was?

I decided to call and let him know that I was on my way. Turns out the baby had slept the whole time I was gone and Daddy and Big Brother played without incident. I told him that I had gone to Starbucks to journal before the grocery store and time had gotten away from me. That's exactly what had happened. No lies, no omissions, just the facts, baby. I had to ask myself though, why I didn't tell my husband about my plans to stop for coffee. It was nice to get away just by myself and have a secret errand. Nothing wrong with that. Just maybe I should have let him know in case it would have altered his parenting plans.

I definitely felt better after some time off. I journaled a little for myself, and a little for the boys. I want to get better at tracking their milestones so I don't forget who did what and when. I haven't been good about that. Understandable, I suppose!

What's my point? I don't know. This is just what happened to me today. That's life.

Sleep, sweet sleep.

In general we've been blessed with really good sleepers. Since LB was born his big brother has only woken up in the night 2 times. The last time it happened he was so easy to put back to sleep I actually loved the experience. He let me sing him a song, give him some water, and he went right back to sleep. It was so sweet.

Usually Randy puts BB to bed and I'm in charge of LB. Tonight was no different. I had an especially lovely time putting LB down for bed tonight. I read him a couple of books and sang "Jesus Loves the Little Children," a song I sing every night. I then held him in my arms and sang him his lullaby that I wrote (I wrote BB one too when he was a little baby). Soon he was heavy in my arms and breathing slowly - a sure sign of sleep. Usually he will wake up when I put him down, but tonight he was just out. Last night I had to hang over his crib rubbing his tummy and back for about 20 minutes before he eventually fell asleep.

This was one of those experiences I dreamt of when longing for a sweet child to love. I know what a blessing these boys are to me, and times like this especially make me thank God for my guys.

It's been a fun weekend. Last night we had dinner at our church's monthly grill night and left the kids in their wonderful child care. Randy and I played ping pong for a little while and I accidentally smashed some kids' ball over the wall in the rec room. Oopsies! We went to a swimming party earlier today and had a great time. We later had somewhat of a misadventure at dinner with a table that was two small for two little grabbers, but we managed to eat some yummy Greek food. Now we're hanging out watching a little 24 before bed. We contemplated once of us going out to pick up ice cream, but reconsidered when I saw how many Weight Watchers points were in a Chick-Fil-A shake! Life is good.

Helping

Here's mama's little helper pushing his Great Grandma Nana in her wheelchair. He felt very important!

I'm looking forward to spending time with my boys in the presence of people with all different needs and abilities. I hope the Special Olympics are in our town again so we can go volunteer. I'd also like to do an intergenerational or inter-ability music group someday. We all need each other, and life can't be normal if we're not surrounded by all kinds of people.

Big Brother and Little Brother were quite the celebrities in the nursing home, especially since at 21 months old BB knows half of the alphabet! What a smarty-pants!

Styx! Woohoo!

My mom and I took the boys to a Styx concert. We ran into our friend Denise and her brother Craig there. You know, because we follow the concert circuit and all that.

It was the boys' first concert. We had a great time, and they wore their pajamas so we could put them right to bed when we got home - which we did. Mission accomplished. Here are my pics!

20 years

Are you where you thought you'd be 20 or more years out of Gymnasium?

Am I?

I guess. I was never one who knew what she wanted to be straight out of high school (or college for that matter, or graduate school, you get the picture), so it's not like I'd planned to be a medical doctor right now and missed the mark or anything. I suppose I assumed I'd be married and have 2 children and live in a house with an attached garage, and that I am.

I'll tell you what I did not expect. I did not expect to have been divorced, which I was in 2000. I did not expect 4 years of infertility, which I experienced in my second-time's-a-charm marriage. I did not expect to have a child by adoption and talk on the phone with the woman who gave him birth, call her "family", and look forward to the day when my son can spend the night at her house so that they can get to know each other better.

I did not expect to find myself trusting Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior at age 26 and begin following Him, reading God's word regularly, attending a Baptist church, Bible study and blogging about my love for Him and His love for me (and you). I didn't expect to love going to church, sing in the choir, and enjoy seeing my fellow believers lift their hands to Jesus in worship. (Yes, even in a Baptist church some people do that!) Yet this is where I find myself, and I find my greatest fulfillment.

So are you where you thought you'd be? If not, does it matter? If so, does it live up to your expectations? I believe that my expectations have been exceeded abundantly. What I've learned is that it's better not to be married at all than to be married to someone with whom you are incompatible. It's also unbelievably wonderful to be married to someone as caring, considerate, and helpful as my spouse. I've learned that it is not always biology that makes a family. I've learned that what I do does not define who I am, but for me, God does. In His eyes I am perfect and wonderfully made, because His son sacrificed himself on a cross to pay for my sins once and for all, and when He looks at me he sees Jesus rather than mistake-making me. Peace doesn't come from a job or an income or a marriage.

Do I sound overly prophetic here? I find that my brain is slowly seeping back into my head after getting through 2 years of infants and a pregnancy. Therefore you'll have to listen to me go on and on about some things rather than look at a million pictures of my cute children all the time. But never fear, Grandmas, I'll keep posting those too.

If this post causes you to evaluate your current life, I'd love to hear about it!

YVT,
Amy

I wasn't always like this, you know.

Did you ever see "What's Eating Gilbert Grape?" It stars Juliette Lewis and Leonardo diCaprio. Leo played a boy with developmental disabilities and Juliette Lewis ended up being a family friend. Leo's mom was extremely obese and very embarrassed by it. She rarely left the house. When she met Lewis's character she told her, "I wasn't always like this." Lewis's character said, "I wasn't always like this either." I found it to be a very touching moment.

When we go out these days with our two little boys, I wonder if we cause pain to people who see us who are experiencing infertility and/or loss. Here we are with two very little children, appearing as fertile as can be, when really it took several years to add children to our family. I always try to be cautious about my attitude and disposition when I'm out in public.

There was nothing worse as an infertile woman to hear other people say, "You can have my children," or "What I wouldn't do to be single again and be able to (x, y, z)." I wouldn't want another woman to see me tell my kid to shut up (oh yes, I do have my moments) or look stressed when one is crying or needy. I know that's a lot of pressure to put on myself (not refraining from "shut ups," because I think that's just good parenting, but to look pleased and even-tempered every minute when out in public), but actually I really do enjoy my beautiful children most of the time. I think they're hilarious, adorable, and fun.

Anyhow, I think I've posted about this before, but I hope people realize when they see happy couples or happy families things aren't always as they appear. You never know who has suffered loss, who is putting on a show in public, or who is actually watching someone else's children and is about to go home and cry themselves to sleep because they long for children of their own. We need to extend grace to each other, even when we see someone who is parenting a different way than we are.

That's it. Putting away the soapbox. Thanks for playing.

Four generations.

Here are the boys with their Great Grandma Nana! She's quite amazing and enjoys her 2 children, 6 grandchildren, and 5 great-grandsons. Big Brother located all of the "E's" in the exit signs in the nursing home, which GGN appreciated as a faithful doer of the newspaper's word scrambles. I'm not going to take her on!

Comfortable

I LOVE my ring sling. I really wanted to use it when Big Brother was a smaller baby, and interestingly I really tied it to my grief about not having been able to bear biological children. Somewhere deep inside I felt like if I could be a successful babywearer I would really be a mom. Isn't that silly? I never got the hang of it with BB. I did wear him around some when I was pregnant with Little Bro, but that is as easy as it sounds - not!

Now with 2 small kiddos, I use it all the time. All, all, all the time. This picture is one of the reasons why. If LB needs a catnap at the end of the day he will usually fall asleep in this and I can feed his big brother and sometimes even myself. I can also play Word Challenge while he sleeps. Pretty nifty, eh? It is also tremendously helpful for travel. On our way to Colorado earlier in the month he slept in it on the plane and I actually got to read my People magazine.

So here is a very comfortable baby in a Zolowear ring sling. See www.zolowear.com for where to buy. You can even see my beautiful friend Tiffany wearing her third baby. She's the fourth one in from the left and the second one in from the right on the first row. There's also a lady on there wearing twins - one on each side. Talk about necessity being the mother of invention!

Wendi's right! And Nik, too.

TOY STORY? Can you believe it? Nice language! I know that's not too bad, but for a kid's movie, I'm kind of shocked. Nemo says "shut up" too, but not like this. Nemo also says, "What the.......?" which I can't stand to hear children say. I wondered where the kids got this, and now I guess I know. Rats.

Movie quote

Can you name this movie? The quote is, "Shut up! Shut up, you idiot!" If you can name the movie, I'll be really impressed and ooh and aaaahh over you. What do you think? Expect the unexpected.

My Daddy.

Here are some things I love about my dad. I meant to do this for Father's Day, but what can I say, I didn't get to it. We recently returned from a trip with my super fun, amazing family and it reminded me. I think I'll start out with my dad and do this for my whole fam! I tried to do a "top 10" list, but it turns out I can't rank them. So I added an 11 and went ahead and counted down.

11. When I ask him what he did at work that day he ALWAYS starts out by saying, "Well, I talked to some people...."
10. He scoops ice cream in an "ice cream hat."
9. When I am hurt he makes a big fuss and says, "Oooh!" and "Owwwwww!"
8. He's really smart and his hair sticks up like Albert Einstein.
7. He likes to say, "Mell smells" because he remembers that in college my friend Mell and I used to say that everyone "smells."
6. He can laugh at himself.
5. He gives personal, creative gifts.
4. He wrestles like a 20-year-old with his grandsons and he's about to be 67 years old.
3. You can sit with him without saying a word and every once in awhile he looks up and winks at you.
2. He gives great hugs and always has a twinkle in his eye.
1. When Big Brother throws a bunch of stuff in his toilet he says, "What in the world?" and then smiles like this:


I love you, Dad, you're super cool even though you don't let me win at checkers. (Just kidding, we don't play checkers.)

Happy 5th of July!

Just a few pics from our fun July 4th holiday!

What a difference a snail makes.

One time a snail changed my life.

I was born in California and lived there for 10 years. As a senior in high school I visited colleges that I was interested in or had applied to, and one of those was Pomona College in Claremont, California. My mom attended college there and we visited as a family when I was a pre-teen or some other obnoxious age. At that time I decided I didn't want to go there because it was too small. (Not that I had any pressure to go there.)

Years later I ended up applying and being accepted so I went to visit again. I immediately felt comfortable on campus and was so excited about the possibility of returning to California to live. There is something about the smell of it (eucalyptus) and the dry air that are very nostalgic for me. After visiting some rogue building and hearing a spiel about Pomona College we went outside to walk to the dining hall for lunch. There meandered a wee snail across the sidewalk.

I hadn't seen a snail in years - I guess there aren't snails in Iowa, which can't be true, but that's how I remember feeling. I pretty much decided right then that I would attend Pomona College in Claremont California for my undergraduate degree. Weird, huh?

A snail. What a seemingly insignificant creature with a big influence!

Chirp! (The sound snails make in Southern California.)

Heavy.

My heart is just heavy these past few days for so many people I know and care for who are going through various trials right now, including long-term primary infertility and other related and non-related health issues. It's not pity I'm feeling, because nobody likes that, but I guess an empathy and understanding that in the midst of my child-centered life I had forgotten that I possessed.

Here is a very touching video attempting to (and doing a good job of) show how infertility feels. I have to admit that yes, I had forgotten what it felt like. You'll have to highlight it and paste because as of this moment I don't know how to link it. I'll check it out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRYJdAEkBC8

It's not that I feel impelled to spend the rest of my waking days trying to remember in my heart how infertility felt. I know that we all have seasons in our lives during which we struggle with various things more so than others and we do move on in one way or the other in acceptance or resignation and hopefully peace. Although my struggle with infertility seems to be over it is a significant part of who I am. I will refer back to this periodically.

God uses all things for His good (Romans 8:28), but sometimes it doesn't feel like it when you're in the midst of something like infertility and loss. I think the depth of those feelings take you by surprise whether it's your experience or somebody elses.

The next time you meet someone new, say "Tell me something about yourself?" rather than "Do you have kids?" or "Where do you work?" or "Are you married?" You never know if that person is experiencing infertility, out of work, or single and wanting to be married. Just a thought.

If you are experiencing infertility, you are not alone! Look at www.resolve.org or Hannah's Prayer Ministries (www.hannah.org). There is hope.

Finally Father's Day

"The boys" and I went to get portraits taken on Wednesday in honor of Father's Day. I had to keep it a secret all week and I was so excited about the pictures I could barely stand it! Here are some of the very good ones. They were all really good.

OK, leaving you hanging. Why is blogger so slow at uploading pictures sometimes?!

Let 'em be kids.

There are times when safety is paramount. Then there are times when we don't want our kids doing something because it is inconvenient for us. Then there are the times when we make them stop doing it because "children should mind their parents." But, you've got to pick your battles.

Tonight we went out for ice cream with the kids to the Arboretum. There was an inviting puddle of water there that BB started to stand in. I didn't want him to be tempted to splash so I said, "No water" and steered him around it. It worked. A few minutes later he went to stand in it again and I thought, "Well, what's the harm." Then he put his hands in and I said, "no hands in the water."

Then I began to wonder what to do next, because he just wasn't listening. I had to ask myself why I didn't want him to put his hands in the water. Was it dangerous? No, the puddle was shallow and small. But then I felt like since I had said "no water" I had to stand by it - "children should mind their parents." I really didn't want him playing in it because it would have been inconvenient for us to have a wet, muddy kid in the car.

I decided that sometimes kids have to get wet and muddy. If I were a kid I'd want to, and there really isn't harm in it unless he'd been dressed nicely to go to dinner. (Who takes their 1 year old to a nice dinner? Not me!) It began to look like darned fun to play in a mud puddle, so I gave up. He got on his knees in the mud puddle, he then sat in the mud puddle, and then tried to drink from the mud puddle. (OK, we did stop it there.) Then we laughed as he walked away on his tip toes with his legs as wide apart as he could maneuver them, his soaking wet, mud-puddly bum prancing off. We just took off his jumper and let him walk around in his diaper and ride home that way, mud and all, with Nemo swimming around on the DVD player.

Pick your battles, folks, and maybe we grown-ups should find more puddles to play around in. (Don't drink the water.)

"Fabulous Reality"

I had an English teacher in high school (Ames High School, Iowa, class of 1988) who had us share a "fabulous reality" every day. Fabulous reality is an every day thing that happens that we usually don't notice is really, really cool. I found one this morning.

I like coffee. I can survive a morning without it, but there is something about a steaming cup of coffee to remind me of all things good! I take mine with Splenda and half/half. As I poured in the creamer and before stirring, the creamer swirled through the coffee and made a creamer cloud on top. It's gorgeous! That's my fabulous reality today.

Find yours!

Philosophy

My conversation with the pizza place today:

Her: "What would you like?"
Me: "What do you think for three adults?"
Her: "It depends on how much they eat."

Oh, thanks. That's very profound.

Life in pictures.

Here is a picture-heavy post for today. Aren't my kids about the cutest ones ever? (No need to respond, I already know the answer!)

First popsicle:


That was good!


Time for a shower.


Old-fashion looking picture for possible future wedding collage:


Ahhh...


No popsicle for this guy, only footsicle.