Sunday, August 03, 2008

Liar, liar pants on fire.

Ooooh - I'm in trouble! Well not really, but maybe I should be.

There was a time in my past where I lied a lot. Not really bold-face out and out lies, but lies of omission and half-truth. I had a little trust issue with someone important in my life. That person didn't trust me which made me even more untrustworthy as I felt I had to lie about what I was doing.

In any case, my life is very different now. Partially because of my experience I think I'm quite honest, maybe even to a fault. I probably cop to things that could just be left unsaid. I am into transparency, though.

So back to my story. Today I was needing a break from being Mommy. I planned a trip to the grocery store which scarily enough feels like a getaway sometimes. I also thought I might go to Starbucks, have a coffee (because a 103 degree day is a great day to go for a coffee), and read or journal. I didn't tell my husband about that part of my trip, not because I thought he'd say he'd rather I didn't, because he is great at understanding my need for time away, but I guess I just wanted to do something on my own without accounting to anyone.

So I did get to Starbucks and I wrote in a journal for awhile, then I went to the grocery store. By the time I got into the car after shopping it was 5:30 and all of the sudden I panicked. I had been gone for almost 2 hours and it certainly doesn't take that long to get to the store and back. What would I tell my husband? That I had planned to go to Starbucks but figured I wouldn't tell him, and that's why it took so long? That I had to "run another errand" before going to the store? That I talked on the phone for awhile before going to the store? (I did, but that only took a few minutes.) What if the baby had been fussing the whole time I was gone and Randy was wondering where the heck I was?

I decided to call and let him know that I was on my way. Turns out the baby had slept the whole time I was gone and Daddy and Big Brother played without incident. I told him that I had gone to Starbucks to journal before the grocery store and time had gotten away from me. That's exactly what had happened. No lies, no omissions, just the facts, baby. I had to ask myself though, why I didn't tell my husband about my plans to stop for coffee. It was nice to get away just by myself and have a secret errand. Nothing wrong with that. Just maybe I should have let him know in case it would have altered his parenting plans.

I definitely felt better after some time off. I journaled a little for myself, and a little for the boys. I want to get better at tracking their milestones so I don't forget who did what and when. I haven't been good about that. Understandable, I suppose!

What's my point? I don't know. This is just what happened to me today. That's life.

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