Sunday, May 27, 2007

Pregnancy update

Yep, I'm still with child. I was 16 weeks on Friday. I can't believe that in a few weeks we will be half way!

I felt pretty sick from about 6 to 9 weeks. I wasn't vomiting but I sure felt terrible. The only foods that really sounded good were McDonald's (I'm a die-hard fan), hot and sour soup, and vegetables with lemon pepper and white balsamic vinegar. I had a really hard time with Thing 1, too. It was very discouraging when I couldn't wait for him to take a nap so I could lie down.

One ongoing challenge of having gone through infertility is that you feel like you should enjoy every minute of being a parent and being pregnant. It doesn't work that way! Cognitively I could reason why I should be grateful, but I didn't feel grateful all the time. There was one day when I was resenting Thing 1 for needing me so I couldn't relax and get some rest, and I was concurrently resenting Thing 2 for taking all my energy so I had none for #1. (If you're not familiar with Thing 1 and Thing 2, you need to review your Cat in the Hat!) That was the worst day.

Things got a lot easier when I started feeling better at about 10 weeks. I was still exhausted, but I could eat again. I loves to eat, so I was thrilled about this! I started wanting fruit and cottage cheese. All along I loved loved loved milk. I love milk anyway, but I'm going through it like water. In fact, let me go get a glass RIGHT now.

OK. Got milk.

At week 14 or so I had my first real craving. I've never experienced anything like it. It was for garlic bread. Other things have sounded good to me, and I would have thought it was a craving, but this was the real deal. I couldn't stop thinking about it all day. I made it from scratch and practically ate the whole loaf. I almost jumped for joy when it was almost done, and it tasted mm-mm-good. (Unlike the Campbell's soup I ate during week 7 out of which I ended up picking out all of the chicken and the noodles.)

Now my big mystery is when will I get a baby belly? Pregnancy feels like such a novelty to me that I'm anxious to see it progress. If I push out my belly and put my hand on the middle where my usual pooch indents I look about 6-7 months. But then I can suck it in and look like the old me. I am wearing maternity clothes because my others feel too tight when I sit down. Fortunately many of today's fashions look like maternity clothes IMHO, so I don't look like I'm trying too hard to appear pregnant. I think my time as a non-pregnant-looking woman are going to be short-lived, though.

The things I don't like about being pregnant are the words preggo, preggie, and preggers. I will never use them, and please don't use them on me. I'll cringe and you'll feel badly. Or you won't. Please don't get a chance to take your pick!

I feel so blessed and so grateful to experience this, but not any more blessed than I feel about our firstborn Baby. Pregnancy is something I was not sure I would. I know many who read this blog will have different reactions to reading these details. I sincerely feel for and love you ladies, and I hope to always be sensitive.

By the way, we don't plan to find out the sex of this babe. So we'll just call this creature New Baby (or the Very Hungry Caterpillar!)


Melody said...

Amy, it's good to read an update from you about your pregnancy. As a PI adoptive mama, I've often wondered what it would be like to adopt and then find myself unexpectedly pregnant. Thank you for writing about it. It's neat to hear the answers to some of the things I've emotions toward Child #1 vs. emotions toward the new pregnancy. Also - thanks for being sensitive - my PI heart really appreciates that.

Oh - I'm completely with you on the "preggers" deal - yuck. I hate all three of those variations on the word pregnant. You won't hear me use it on you!

Christine said...

Hey fatty (for lack of being able to use the "p" words!). :)

I have had days of moaning about my kids, and had a friend whose son was conceived after many IVF attempts. She really lit into me one day (her son was an infant).

I had many days of major guilt ... guilt for ever feeling frustration with them instead of constant joy ... guilt of making her feel bad ... guilt that just didn't make any sense.

Then it hit me - my kids make me crazy sometimes. There are days I want to toss them in the backyard and lock the door. There are moments that I think, "Good Lord, what have I done?"

Hmmmm ... just like I do with my husband. The moments pass. The underlying reality is that I love my family. I adore them. I'm CRAZY about them and would never, ever, ever trade them for anything.

But some days - for some brief moments - I want to toss them in the backyard and lock the door.

I stopped feeling guilty for feeling normal frustrations and emotions. It's moments in normal life, which makes it totally normal. I don't express these feelings to them verbally. I don't hurt them emotionally. I work it out in my heart ...

pick myself up ...

dust myself off ...