If you don't want to hear about Jesus, step away from the blog! Here it comes, friends.
I was a wreck last Sunday morning at church! By the time the sermon started, I was fine, but I was practically bawling during the music after the greeting. I was so overwhelmed with joy and sorrow at the same time. I was thinking about how I feel so much joy for our soon-to-be adoption, but that the way has been paved with a lot of pain. The song was so pretty, and all about how Jesus died for us, and was so moving to me. I can't even remember how it went because I was so into it.
Then, I started thinking about all of the pain that I have seen in the past month, and how lost people are without Christ. Hurt, lonely, hopeless, afraid. A neighbor committed suicide last month, and another down the street (we live in a cul-de-sac) died of cancer last weekend. Did they die without knowing the salvation of Jesus Christ? I think they did. How do I process this?
I have also become even more acutely aware of the pain and sorrow surrounding pregnancy and childbirth among my peers who have suffered infertility, miscarriage, stillbirth, and loss of children through adoption. It was breaking my heart on Sunday! I wasn't even feeling sad for us, having gone through over 3 years of infertility, surgeries, tests, treatments, failed cycles, and dashed hopes. How could I feel this pain without the penetrating glory and joy of Jesus and His sacrifice for ME and for YOU! And I want you to know what He's done. I don't know how we would have gotten through the past few years without Christ. I haven't always been this way, but I was blind and now I see (can I get a witness!?!) ;o)
THEN, later in the service our music minister sang, and I totally lost it again. He wrote one of our letters of recommendation for our adoption, and it just reminded me how blessed we are with our church family. I did not have any tissues, and then DH started tearing up, and I'm sure everyone in the choir AND the choir director saw me crying like a baby. I had to use my hands to wipe away tears and tear-related facial fluids. I seriously almost used my shirt. Then I started laughing (not out loud), but it was one of those crazy, belly laughs you get sometimes. I was afraid someone was going to come down out of the choir loft and give me a sedative. I'm surprised I didn't snort.
This isn't meant to be depressing. I just really felt like God spoke to me in church last Sunday about how much pain there is in the world but that Jesus came so that we would know peace instead. Also, that it is my job to spread the gospel so that others would have the same hope as I do. I am shy about talking to others about Christ - I really wish that I weren't. Maybe experiences like Sunday's will add up to make me more outspoken about what our Lord has done for us.
If you didn't walk away, and you have questions, let me know! I tell you, I was not always this way - I was 26 when I accepted Christ as my personal Lord and Savior. It is never too late, and He wants to have you.