Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Next stop - planet earth.
There is something about infertility that makes you feel like you are hovering in space, watching friend by friend go by beneath you with their carseat (or two, or three) in the back seat.
I believe that I have been blessed with being able to maintain important friendships in my life, even when those friends have mostly gone on to conceive and give birth to their child(ren). Thanks, friends! I know it has not been an easy road for me, nor has it been an easy road for those who have seen me flounder and struggle with infertility and have to temper their glorious news of pregnancies and births in order to tell me. I can appreciate how difficult that must be.
However, when it comes to making new friendships, I have definitely shied away from women who are pregnant or have small children. This is especially true if they have ever said something insensitive, even without meaning to, about infertility. Something like, "It's in the water," or "This time next year I'll be pregnant." To an infertile woman, those kind of comments seem to trivialize the amazing gift of pregnancy and children.
I get it. People are bonding with others with those comments. For someone who has never seen infertility up close and personal, it's never even a consideration that something so seemingly innocent would be taken so personally by someone like me. And I've even had a lot of practice with such comments. I must always consider how to respond with grace, and remember not to roll my eyes and say, "Dude. You don't even know."
I lost my metaphor, didn't I?
So, I guess now I'm back to earth driving my car with the carseat base in it. No carseat yet, but I'm drivin'. I think I'll drive right out of this metaphor, because now I'm really stretching it.
All that to say, today I made a connection. I decided to put my old inferiority complex aside and play with the other moms. It was a time of celebrating, healing, and re-connecting with old friends. There is something very isolating about infertility. Not only is it difficult for me to be around a group of ladies swapping pregnancy or baby stories, but I am sure sometimes it is difficult for my mom friends to be around me. I've been a good girl, but nobody sane who has been exposed to infertility has not been affected by it. That goes for Fertile Myrtles as well as, and these are not my words but I have read them online, "Those infertiles." Grr. Have a heart, will ya'?
Today I was reminded that no matter how our children come to us, we are their parents. Our job is to raise them right, and as Christians, to raise them to know the Lord. They get to make their own decisions, of course, but we give them to God and let 'em fly. Whether we are fertile or IF, we are equals in the parenting game. It was so nice to see all of the friendly faces at my new Motherwise Bible study. Praise God. (And thanks, DVNG).
Posted by Amy T. S. at 3:03 PM