Bath

I saw baby's first bath in the newborn nursery, and he did NOT like it. Now we have to give him one! I don't want to - he'll be sad. My mom says that babies need to cry in order to exercise their lungs - talk about a cardio workout! I'm not sure we'll try to capture this first sponge bath in person, but here are some more pictures to tide you over until we do.

We chickened out! Bath tomorrow.

Say, if I sound together, I'm not. Just ask Stacey or Karen, both of who I talked to on the phone tonight amidst tears of sleep deprivation and "What if I can't do this?"

Introducing...

Baby S!

I told you we'd have a baby before Christmas! I'm such a tease, I know.

Look at this guy - we could not be more thrilled! He is a great eater, burps with no trouble, and is a typical baby - up all night. Yikes!

Our sweet baby's birthmom was amazing. She invited me into the delivery room, and I actually got to see Baby S being born. We got to spend a lot of time with her in the hospital and she just loved the baby to pieces while he was in her care. We had an entrustment ceremony yesterday where she lovingly placed him into our arms. We will see her in a few weeks so she can see how much her baby has grown.

So, here are a few pics highlighting the first few days of his life! He was born early in the morning on Thursday and came home to our house and our wigged-out kitties on Saturday. I can hear him squeaking right now, so I'd better hurry off.

We love him so much already. This happened so fast and we can't believe he's ours - mine, DHs, birthmoms, birthdads, and our families'.

Love,
Amy

I'm spilling the beans...

We got The Call.

I was in the bathroom when it came in! I did not answer the phone, and the caller didn't leave a message. I looked at my cell phone for some reason, and noticed a phone number that looked suspiciously close to our caseworker's cell phone number. I remembered the cw's # because I had just that afternoon pulled out the slip of paper on which I wrote her number when J was supposed to call us.

The next thing I knew the phone was ringing again, and it was my bob (i.e. husband) on the phone confirming our dinner reservation time for that day. (Our anniversary, as you might remember.) I thought the timing of his call was a little suspicious and my heart began to pound a little. He asked me, "So, what's going on?"

"Nothing," I replied nonchalantly.

"I just wanted to make sure that 7:00 would work for you for dinner."

My heart dropping, I replied, "Yes, that's fine. Well, here is what is really going on...[explain phone numbers]."

"Well," he said slowly,"I was going to wait until I got home to tell you this, but...."

[Insert one of the most interesting phone conversation of our lives here.]

Aren't you curious about the details? How mean am I that I am not going to give them to you right now. Suffice it to say, if the parents do choose adoption after the baby is born, we will be parents by Chrismas! In fact, significantly sooner than that.

Stay tuned!

Pumpkin seeds!

I'm not a huge fan of Halloween. It's OK. I don't currently have any religious objections to it as long as the costumes are not evil or satanic (this coming from a gal who just saw The Texas Chainsaw Massacre). One year I was an M&M (see, my heart has always been with chocolate).

But, I do love pumpkin seeds! I made a batch last night and carved a pumpykin with triangle eyes, a triangle nose, and a smiling mouth with two teeth. (Uh, if I just took a picture I could show you, right? I wish I had gotten a picture when Chez stuck her head inside the pumpkin.)

I roasted the pumpkin seeds with canola oil, salt, and a dash of cayenne pepper. I made my husband eat some as I raved on about how good pumpkin seeds were. He said, "Do you have an emotional attachment to pumpkin seeds from your childhood?" Translation: "These taste like nothing. What's the big whoop?" I guess I must have some childhood memories surrounding pumpkin seeds. I really do like to eat them.

So, that was Halloween at our house. Our cats are orange and black, so we'll be festive for the rest of the month. The pumpkin seeds are almost all gone.

Anniversary and the Texas Chainsaw Massacre

No, we didn't go to see "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning" on our anniversary. But it was recently our anniversary, and we did see the Massacre. I highly don't recommended it unless you would like to feel sick for several hours afterward.

Thursday we celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary! I was super excited, because I've never been married for four years before. (Insert drum track - ba dum bum.) Wonderful things can happen on one's anniversary. We went to dinner at The Four Seasons Restaurant on Town Lake. It was SO yummy. For dessert we had a banana split "split." It was like a banana split ala carte. There were carmelized and plain bananas, whipped cream, chocolate ice cream, vanilla gelato and strawberry sorbet, peach, chocolate and a caramal sauces, and you mixed your own split. It was really fun and interesting.

I told you that yesterday we were going to the movies. Well, there are no good movies out right now. The two dumb ones we were wanting to see were man of the Year and School for Scoundrels. Both got terrible reviews on rottentomatoes.com, and both were sold out. SO, we saw the TCM:TB. lol. That cracks me up.

My mom put together a calendar last year and the October picture is my brother with a chainsaw. Hey, I have a pic. Here he is!



Be afraid - be very afraid.

Thanks, Kim!

I had an assistant music therapist today - a high school student who is interested in music therapy. It was great to have another voice and another pair of hands. My first group really put us to the test today! I think we were all tired because of the weather change here in Tejas, so we spent one song taking a "nap." I was praying, actually, but pretending to take a nap. That must have done the trick because we all perked right up after that.

What a cool job. I haven't even minded working Saturdays. It's kind of nice to drive downtown without any traffic, and feel like I've earned my lunch after 3 hours of musical fun. Today we sang, "The Cat Came Back," which is one of my all-time faves.

One of these days our lives are going to change big time, but for today we're living happily as two - off to the movies tonight. Alamo Drafthouse, here we come!

Ramblings

Right now Punky is cleaning Chez's fur. I just clipped 12 of Chez's claws and I guess now she needs some love.

This morning one of my music students climbed into my lap while I was singing a book. It was awesome - sweet kid. The book is Twinkle Twinkle Little Star but it has about 8 verses, in the form a story. Instead of reading it, I sing it in the TTLS tune. The illustrations are really good, too, although one of my guys wanted to know where the monster was.

Well, now Punky is biting her, but hey, they shared a moment. Cats.

Upon closer inspection, I think Chez only has two claws on her front left paw. Is that weird?

What makes me think I am not going to get any responses on this post?

Groundhog Day

Allright, where is our baby?

A few days after hearing that J's baby would be adopted by another couple, we received word of another situation. After a week of waiting to hear, we discovered that that baby, too, would be adopted by another couple. As far as we know, this is the third time a mom looking at our profile has chosen someone else.

It's amazing how much we've learned over the past few months. Every "no" is closer to a "yes," obviously, and each situation teaches us new things about ourselves, our possible future family, and our faith.

So now we've learned all about talking to a birthmom and having the match not happen, and about knowing that our profile is being viewed (at least 2 other times) and having the match not happen. I figure all we have left to learn is being chosen and then having the birthparents decide to parent. After that it should all work out, don't you think?

But, we know that God has built a hedge of protection around our profile until His choice is looking at it. That seems like a safe bet to me.

By the way, I think having a match and then having the mom decide to parent would be SO hard. However, listen close, ultimately we would be so happy that she decided to parent. As much as we would love a baby in our home, I do think that parenting is an excellent, excellent choice. I would never begrudge the mom if that situation were to happen, as painful as it would be. It is her baby.

With that, I'm back to work. Party on, Waynes.

Adoption loss

I hurt, too.

I understand that adoption is built on loss. People don't want to hear it sometimes, but it is. There are a lot of blogs out there from different perspectives - adoptive parents, adoptees, and birthparents - sometimes I think we don't hear each other very well.

In trying to understand everyone, I sometimes minimize my own pain. I even fought with myself over the order of the above list, not wanting to hurt anyone by putting adoptive parents first, or birthparents last or adoptees in the middle.

I think people forget that other people have struggles, too. Mine is infertility, yours is missing your first parents, hers is aching for her child placed for adoption. No matter what my brand of pain is, it hurts when it's mine!

Right now we have a lot of joy about hopefully being parents soon. We look forward to having a baby in our home, picking out outfits, feeding bottles, and even changing diapers. We have names picked out and fantasies about what it might be like to have a child call us Mom and Dad. We look forward to meeting that baby's birthparents and having them be a part of our lives. It won't always be rosy and gay, but it will always be real and we feel that God's hand will be on the situation.

But, we have not always been so optimistic. There have been a lot of tears, heartbreak and even anger. It's hard for me to express that now, because the sharpness of those feelings have dulled somewhat. Not that they don't spike here and there, but I think over the years that I have incorporated our infertility into my identity and it has gotten easier. So, does that mean that I should just suck it up and accept childlessness because that's the way it is? Isn't that the same as if I were to say to a birthparent who is missing their child, "Suck it up - that's the way it is?"

I'm sorry if you are a birthparent and someone told you that. I won't say the same. Maybe some adoptive parents would say or think that way, but that person is not me, nor is it most of the adoptive parents I know. I need to let up on myself, though, and realize that there isn't much I can do to help make your pain more bearable, though I want to.

Don't get mad at me for being a fixer - it's what I do. I wish we could share a coffee and listen to each other.