I'm certain that uteri is not the plural form of uterus, but doesn't it sound kind of interesting?
I was working on Big Brother's baby album the other day, and I was writing something about how he grew in K's uterus. Only, I used the word womb. You sometimes hear the term "tummy mommy" for birthmother, but something about it just doesn't feel right to me. For me, it implies that the birthmom ends her connection with her baby when the baby is born. That is certainly not the truth, even in closed adoption. In any case, did I want to say that he grew in her tummy, uterus, or womb. I decided uterus was too formal, and tummy was too biologically inaccurate. I thought 'womb' sounded like a pretty nice place.
So the other day BB was playing in LB's crib, a favorite pastime, and he came across a photo album in which are professional photos of K the night before she went in the hospital to have BB. We opened to a picture of her and I said, "Where's BB?" and he pointed right at her belly. I was surprised. Maybe he doesn't really understand it, but he did it again today.
Thanks in part to my new friend Brown (secretbmom.blogspot.com), I knew I had to tell K what BB had done. She was touched, for obvious reasons. I was glad it occurred to me to let her know.
Open adoption isn't always easy. Sometimes I see where K has written "my son" and I think, "No! Mine!" like an impetuous child who doesn't want to share. Sometimes I look at a picture of them together and think, "Look at that - she's his real mom," and then have to remind myself that we can both be his real mom in different ways. Sometimes, honestly, it's tiring to ponder how I can be a better and more consistent communicator with K. We have two busy, needy babies after all, and other responsibilities, too, making for a really busy time of our lives.
But, I really feel wonderful about our relationship as extended family, and blessed that our son will grow up knowing how unbelievably much we all love him and want the best for him. It's worth a little pain on our parts (ours and K's) to make the best life possible for BB. Parenting isn't about parents, is it? It's about children. Yours, mine, and ours.
Speaking of, LB was up several times last night, so I'd better get some sleep in case we have another one of those.
We love you, K!
4 comments:
Amy, thanks for putting this out there. We no longer have contact with S's birthmom, but it's not because we cut it off. She moved and we no longer have her contact info or people to get it from. I often wonder how she's doing. . .but there's just no way to know. Thanks for sharing yours and BB's story - it's amazing to see how it is for other families.
You are such a wonderful mom. You inspire me to tell my mom how thankful I am for her. My circumstances are so very different, but I appreciate how open she has always been about my first mom.
You're all brave women - as biomoms and as adoptive moms. Brave to share your child with another mother.
And I think you're both great moms in very different ways.
Aw shucks new friend :) I don't know what to say.
I am just going to give you HUGE HUGS for writing what you did. I'm glad you told K and I know she appreciates it!
I appreciate your honesty. It's OK to have selfish moments, we are entitled to them :) But it's awesome that you don't let them get in the way of the OA and the relationship you are building with K.
You are awesome :)
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