Wednesday, August 09, 2006

The Potter

Here I go, here I go, here I go again.

It's my blog and I'll write what I want to.

I was feeling very infertile this morning. I go to an aerobics class once a week and there were some lovely pregnant bellies in there this a.m. It made me feel so different. Everyone in there but me has given birth or is about to do so again. That may never happen for me.

Don't think these feelings mean that I think adoption is second best. I know that God has a very special child planned for us to raise. I know that adoption is a gift just like conceiving and giving birth is a gift. But it still hurts to be different sometimes, even if it is God's plan.

So, we went into our Bible study time after that. To make a long story short, since I don't have God's Word in front of me right now, He is the potter and I am the clay. God shapes us all differently, and we know that because some of us are tall and larger than life, some of us are short and stick-thin, and some are various shapes in between. Right now, God molds me a little hollow in some areas (womb) and very full in others (my mommy heart). He may never mold me a beautiful pregnant belly.

There are some areas in which it's fun to be different. And sometimes being different just hurts. (Uh, yeah, you said that before.) But it does! It's worth saying again.

In any case, I felt better after that. Different, maybe, but whole.Right. Incredibly blessed. Embracing my beautiful difference. One of the ladies in my small group was adopted, and her presence also reminded me that adoption is an amazing way to bring families together.

Again, I am not disappointed that we are adopting rather than giving birth to our baby. I could not be more thrilled than if I became pregnant next year. I feel so attached to our someday baby and his/her birthparents already, and if I were to find myself pregnant I think it would be hard to wrap my heart around that at first. Can you believe it?

I'm going to freak out when we finally get The Call. I can barely contain my thoughts about it when I am not at work. (I'm not at work.) There is no rhyme or reason. "It will come when you least expect it" sounds good, but seriously, it just isn't true. It'll happen when expectant parents view our profile and choose for us to parent their child. That's how it works. I never expect it. I don't expect it at all.When it does happen I'll let you know.

Ta-da. My adoption thoughts for the day.

Love,
Amy

1 comment:

Adopting Momma said...

wow...what you wrote has really struck me today! I know its God speaking through the words of your blog but wow! Maybe God created our wombs to be empty but our arms to be full of beautiful children that were concieved by someone else for us to raise, to love. He designed us for motherhood but not pregnancy. Somehow...that doesn't seem like the short end of the stick all of a sudden!

Thank you so much for your words!

PS. the house in the blog post was a random house I found in a google search...it was so cute I thought it would be fun to post. I will post our actual house soon once I finish the scrapbook pages for that!