Wednesday, January 12, 2011

I love my boys differently.

Silly, I didn't say less or more. Is it because one is adopted and one is from my womb? No way, Jose. It's because they are two different kiddos with two completely different personalities.

BB is a quality-time kind of dude. He doesn't care about snuggling or lots of affirming words. He loves to share experiences. When he tells me he loves me it sounds like this, "Mommy, will you play with me?" He does tell me "I love you, Mommy," but not as often as another little boy who lives here. I would love to snuggle in with BB more, but he's just not into that. That's OK. I tell you when he does let me cuddle with him and hold him it's like nothing else. It warms my mommy heart.

LB is a snuggler. He would like nothing more, most of the time, than to be snuggling and cuddling with Mommy. He repeatedly tells me he loves me, especially in the morning when he also says daily, "Mommy, you're so pretty." For a while he would say, "You're my precious Mommy." No, you're precious! LB is a lot like me in personality and appearance. It can be freaky even.

In terms of discipline, their needs are also very different. A time-out means nothing to BB! He won't do it or he won't have a problem with it. He gets a time-in. He needs to sit in my lap and we have a little talk. I don't let him go until I can tell that he is remorseful and understands why he is in time-in. For LB there is not much worse than a time-out. Just the threat of a time-out will put him practically in hysterics and he'll convincingly apologize right away. When he does get a time-out it is misery. He is a model time-out child.

I know people wonder if they will love their child by adoption as much as their child by birth. The answer is, "YES!" But don't be ashamed to treat them differently. They're different just like two children from the same DNA or even twins will be. Parenting is about being creative with the child God gave you whether you were physically pregnant or paper pregnant with him.

Different - not identical or the same.
Less - to a smaller extent, amount or degree.

(Photos by Laura Pearson. For my IF readers, this website is baby and belly heavy.)


Liz said...

I love my boys differently too. And they're both from my womb!

Jess said...

I so, so, so agree. I feel bad sometimes punishing them in different ways but the one is SO headstrong (I hear from bio family that that's a trait they know already!! LOL) and the other is SOOOO sensitive (uhm, as in let's go to Early Intervention...which is also inherited, you're welcome boy). It feels bad though sometimes because the one that requires more stern-ness is NOT the bio child! I know that's MY OWN head game though, not theirs (at least for now!) and I'm lucky to have a lot of her bio family to back me on this!

But as far as their sweet traits, and their charming traits, they are also different. And that's ok!

Kimberly said...

Great Post- It is always good to read our adopted kids are just like the from-the-womb ones... all different and individual.

sometimes it feels I am loving one of them more, because one of them shares my 'love language'- so sometimes I feel I am giving that one more love- simply because it feels more like love being my love language. if that makes sense.

thanks for sharing.