Saturday, August 11, 2007

Musings of a pregnant adoptive parent.

***Lots of pg talk, as evidenced by my title.***

We went to our childbirth education class yesterday, and it brought up all sorts of ideas and feelings. I was excited about it all week, but then I got nervous. Would I look stupid doing my "hee-hee-hee-hoo" breathing? Was I going to have to lie on the floor with my knees east and west? Were my pillow cases clean?

For the morning session, anatomy and physiology and the process of childbirth, I felt physically ill and had to leave the room several times. It could have been the fiber fiesta I held a night or two before, it could have been something I ate that morning, but it had never occurred to me that I would be squeamish about this. I've seen it, right? I didn't pass out in the delivery room or feel physically ill when Thing 1 was born.

At some point during the morning, as I was sort of reliving the birth of our son, I realized that unlike that time, we know that this baby will be ours from the moment of his/her birth. With Big Guy we spent the first few days of his life wondering if we would really be his parents. I don't begrudge the necessity of that, but it certainly was different than this experience. It will be a relief to be able to really bond with New Baby from minute 1 - before minute 1, actually. (Relief really might not be the right word, here. let me work this out and I'll edit.)

I have much more to say about this, but I need to try to get some extra sleep tonight. Tomorrow night is Girl's Night!

Stay tuned for the next installment about my emotions surrounding what K must have experienced as she gave birth to her first precious baby - our sweet son. Also, the guilt I feel as a parent preparing for #2 when so many precious women are still waiting for one dear child to love. I hated it when I thought about how my friends might feel badly about being pregnant or being parents when DH and I were struggling with infertility, but the cold, hard, slap-you-in-the-face truth is that I do feel that way. It's not pity guys, really, just understanding and compassion, I think. I love you.

More latah.

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