Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Worked it out.

We took BB to visit his birthmom on Monday. We dropped him off, went "shopping" and had lunch at Pei Wei. We picked him up a few hours later and went back to Granny's. I think the visit went well, although I was not there to see, K said they'd had fun and BB gave her a kiss good-bye. Then he said, "Doh. Dat dare door" and pointed toward that there door. Where did he get this grammar, Thelma? I certainly don't know!

It was hard to leave him there. Not because I was worried about his safety or well-being, but because I was nervous about his emotions and feelings. How much does a 2-year-old understand about birthmoms and adoption and growing in K's tummy? Would he think we were taking him back to K and going home without him? Would he think that LB was going to live with Granny and he was going to live with K? Am I making too much of this? Probably. But it is what it is.

About, face!

I'm a terrible shopper. I wasn't always like this. I used to love to shop. Going to the mall was what I wanted to do when I visited friends in California. My chic Grandma and my mom used to take me shopping and they both have great taste. I even modeled clothing in a few fashion shows when I was a teen. But now when I go I end up not trying anything on because I can't be bothered to take off my shoes. I touch some clothes, walk slowly through the store, and slowly out of the store. I want to drink coffee instead. It makes me kind of sad that I don't like to shop, because I feel like I want to like to shop but just don't. I'd love a personal stylist to tell me what to try on. I do like to shop with my mom, though. We go into one store, usually a Dillard's-type or Ann Taylor, try on about everything in our sizes, buy some stuff and go eat. But my mom lives too far away.


What am I still doing up?


Melody said...

Your post really has me thinking. Our Samuel does not have any contact with his birthmom (she moved, we don't have her current address. Her choice). He is about to turn 5, and has been asking questions about growing in her tummy vs. his little bro who grew in my tummy. I don't know what he understands, and I don't know if he worries or grieves his birthmom. It's hard to figure out.

You'd think since I'm adopted myself I'd have more insight - but I don't remember trying to process such information at that age. Maybe I did. Who knows.

Anyway = all this to say I wonder how my son handles things too, but I don't know.

You know what - this mommy thing is hard sometimes. I love it - but it's hard.

Jess said...

Sometimes I wonder, too, what my daughter thinks. If she "gets" at all that Mommy Rachel and Connor are her family like we're her family or if she does't think more of it than going to see anyone. I guess it doesn't matter at this age (almost 2) because it's just fostering the relationship? I don't know. We work on using the right names, but that's all we can do at this point.

Some of this stuff, it's scary to think that we're making decisions and doing things here that can affect the rest of her life. But...we do what we can do, and that's the best we can be EXPECTED to do.

Sounds to me like you're doing great.

birthmothertalks said...

I just found your blog. I think I will probably like it. I can tell that at first glance, because I can see that you have a open adoption. Also I am curious how you handle having a child by birth and adoption. I am about 98% my daughter's parents got pregnant after years of not being able to.