Saturday, March 21, 2009

Or not.

I heart open adoption. It rocks. Our BB will never wonder who he looks like, he can ask his first mom about his birth and about her decision to place him for adoption, and I get to feel good about being a conduit between her and him. It's healthy for BB, healthy for his birth parents, and healthy for us, too.

But it's hard. It requires work. Things run smoothly but they still have to be run. There is really no relaxed meeting between us. It's hard for K before a visit. She has to work through some of her "issues" with adoption every time. It's hard for me to try to read her emotions and protect them when BB is shy around her or clings to me and calls me Mommy. Sometimes plans fall through, like today. Just before we were to leave K called and said she wasn't feel well, and neither was BB. To protect their privacy I'll leave it at that, but apparently they're connected because they had the same symptoms.

I was kind of a bear after working this out. A lot of the planning and preparation falls on me. K and I coordinate where we are going to meet, then I spend days telling BB, "You grew in K's tummy and she didn't feel like she could parent a child, so she chose Mommy and Daddy to be your mommy and daddy. We're going to visit K tomorrow!" Right now BB is likely too little to understand that we had plans today that had to be postponed, but some day he will get it. That will be hard, too. Parenting is hard that way, adoption or not. Our children will face disappointment and we will try to help them through.

So I'm a little emotionally drained. No, not as much as K must be, having to cancel a visit with her son (it doesn't happen often), but still weary. I'm hoping we'll work out a second try for Monday if everyone is feeling better.

For the record, I think BB is feeling a little better. I hope K is, too.

1 comment:

Jess said...

I agree about open adoption....our meetings are rarely stressful, and are often relaxed....but with about 2.5 hrs between us, someone has to drive, we have to set plans, etc, so actually GETTING A MEETING TOGETHER is definitely work. I think that it takes effort on everyone's part...but you know, most relationships do. And I'm with you-it's DEFINITELY worth the work!! :)

Sorry you had to cancel the get together.