Sunday, July 23, 2006

Me again?

Two days in a row! Before you know it, I'll be as prolific as flakymn Wendi. (Love the daily blogging, Wendi.)

Yesterday the Lord was speaking to me BIG time about waiting. When I try to express what I learned, it doesn't sound as profound as it feels in my heart, but I'll give it a go.

I am doing a Motherwise Bible study that has been an amazing spiritual journey for me (more like a summer vacation). Very little of it up to this point has even been about mothering. Now we're getting into the nitty-gritty of that part of the study.

The Bible, let's face it, is mostly filled with male heroes. Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Samson, Samuel, John the Baptist, the disciples, Saul/Paul, etc. What do all these men have in common? They have mothers! What do the first 6 have in common? Their mothers were barrren/infertile for a time. Some for a long time (90 years!) some for a shorter time, but all of these mothers - and these are some Major Mommas - experienced the grief and loneliness of infertility. Sisters, I can relate!

Before I go on, I am not saying that these women were more deserving of experiencing conception and childbirth because they had to wait for God's will to be revealed. I am not saying that if you have waited for motherhood for a long time, that you will love your child more, or that your child will go on to live a raging success story.

So, after pointing out that there was so much infertility in the Bible that resulted in the births of such great men who, had they been born at an earlier or different time, would not have been in the position to fulfill their godly purposes, the author of this study shared her story. (Her name is Denise Glenn.)

After a few years of IF (don't know how many), Mrs. Glenn surrendered her desire for children to the Lord, and asked that His will be revealed even if His will was that she would not ever be a mother. Two months later she conceived her first child and went on to have three daughters. Praise God!

I can just hear you, and I had the same reaction, "Oh, yeah. That's the way it ALWAYS happens. Surrender your desires and immediately receive them. Maybe I haven't really surrendered, then? I thought I had, but I'm still childless/single/depressed/fill in the blank." (Can I get an Amen?) I had to sincerely pray at that point that God would allow me to see her beautiful story through His eyes, and not my childless ones. My flesh cried out, "Must be nice!" but my spirit calmly said, "Wait." Back to the study I went, and He delivered. God does answer prayers in His perfect, faultless will and timing. I got what I came for - a better understanding of how God works.

Back to one of my favorite quotes of Jesus: "What is that to you? You must follow me." This is in the book of John at the end of chapter 21 (last chapter). Jesus had been talking about the fate of Peter, his disciple, and how Peter would be of service to Jesus. So Peter, and I have to say I am kind of like this impulsive guy, compares himself to John and wants to know what John's future will look like!

A woman might experience infertility for a time, then surrender her desire to God, immediately to conceive and go on to have many children. That is her story. Another woman might sincerely surrender her desire to God and go on to experience infertility indefinitely after. That is her story. (Infertility is my difficulty of choice here, but you can fill in your own!) Because I am still waiting does not allow me to undo or discredit someone else's story. Jesus says to me, "What's it to you? You follow me."

I have my own story. I haven't read the part yet where God answers my prayer for a child through adoption. But, if I have to wait indefinitely for that prayer to be answered, then I say, "Yes, Lord." Our child(ren) will have a very special and unique purpose on earth and in God's kingdom. Who am I to put my plan over God's? Who am I to say, "Lord, I don't like MY story. Can't I have hers? Even if I'm good?"

John 21:23 says this: Jesus said to him, "If I will that he remain till I come, what is that to you? You follow me."

If I may paraphrase: Jesus said to her, "If I will that she has children and you do not, what is that to you? You follow me."

Yes, Lord.

5 comments:

Thelma said...

Oh Amy... I so needed this! Thank you thank you! Will now go find kleenex to mop up my face.

Love ya!
T.

Christine said...

I know what would help! Make a loop of the Jeopardy music and just play it all day long while you wait!

What? Not a good idea?

I was just talking to some good friends yesterday who are in the process of preparing to adopt #2. They had a very easy time with #1 (the couple I told you about - finished their homestudy on a Friday, met their son the next morning at the picnic and brought him home two weeks later).

Well, they are having to wait this time. It's kicking their butts. I'll send them to this post.

FYI: our little foster angel is leaving us Aug. 26th. I had to break the news (all of it) to him this past weekend. To say that it sucked ... oh, there's just not a strong enough word to explain what it was like. He's going to make it through - but it still sucks. "Hey Sweetie. Come sit down with me so I can rip your heart right out of your chest."

ugh

Allison said...

{{AMY}}

I, too, needed this. You may ask why since I'm the other 'her' now... Because I will never forget where I came from and what struggles I had. I don't mean IF struggles alone. My personal battle scars I inflicted upon myself. I will never forget the longing and pleading and bargining. I was only bargining with myself. The Lord had other plans.

Will I follow him? Yes, Lord.

flakymn said...

Thanks Amy, loved this post!

Teri said...

What a great what to say it, Amy! I think the "who am I" to question God's timing, etc... It's nice to read encouraging words regarding waiting.

Love,
Teri