Saturday, July 22, 2006

Current adoption thoughts

This is a really weird place to be. When we first thought about waiting, we both had this feeling that we would be one of those couples who don't wait very long. Don't get me wrong, it has been less than 2 months and I don't consider that to be "very long," but sometimes couples are matched within days of having their profile "in the book!" Yes, yes, I know, we probably wouldn't want that because we wouldn't have time to get ready, and this, and that, but, after over 3 years of wanting, wanting, we're ready. But we're not really! Who could be?

So, now I've settled into the idea that we won't be matched for awhile. That's okay. God knows exactly who our baby will be, and s/he may or may not be conceived. I can't pray that we will meet our baby "soon" because God's will is not likely timing but content. For example, God's will is not for us to have A baby in August, but to have our Baby who happens to be born in, say, December. We are told to wait for God's timing because that is where we get impatient. No one I know says, "I don't want God's will." Most do. However, I personally seldom really mean, "I want God's will" but "I want God's will NOW." Errrrrt - Nope. Homey don't play dat.

Alas, we wait, twiddling our thumbs. Every time I get discouraged, I think about going to the movies whenever I want (and then go there), sleeping through the night every night, and spending one-on-one time with my dear husband. I get my baby fix and then come home to do whatever I want yet again. Yes, it is a selfish life, but I am enjoying myself.

I have had three plus years to fantasize about what it will be like to be a parent. I think I have a realistic picture of what it will be like, but I know that the experience of it will be another thing entirely. Sigh - I'll let you know what I think when that finally happens.


Paula said...

Waiting right along side ya my friend. We too thought it would be fast, but who knows how fast 'fast' is in God's plan. Our sw told us we are coming into the busy season (who knew there was a busy season) all them Christmas babies. Praying that yours and ours are amongst those in the busy season.
Big hugs
Paula (HP)

Adopting Momma said...

Hey, my DH and I are starting the adoption process ourselves. We are starting our paperwork this week and then homestudy later this fall. What agency are ya'll using. We are down in Houston not too far from ya'll. I will be praying for your journey!

Jennifer said...

I remember the time of waiting very, very well. We kept in contact with our home study group. The waiting wasn't "bad" until the first baby for our group arrived. I cried wondering why the birth parents didn't select my husband and me. When the second baby arrived, my outlook was much brighter - two down, only three to go. Besides, someone had to be the last selected, right? At some point that summer, I was driving to church to work on the bulletin and I was listening to the song "Beautiful Day" by U2. I was singing along happily until it got to the part toward the end where the lyrics go "What you don't have you don't need it now. What you don't know you can feel somehow." I completely broke down and had to pull my car over. I beat my fists against the steering wheel because I wanted to be a mommy NOW. The funny thing was that my Emma was growing strong and healthy inside E's tummy waiting to make us a family. We got the "call" the Wednesday after Labor Day and Emma was born on October 23.

It's easy for me to say that you time of waiting is a time of preparation just as if you were pregnant. I'm through that time already. It's still true. Babies take so long to arrive because you need to learn how to parent them. Enjoy your restfull nights, those moments alone with your husband and even make time for yourself. It won't be long before you wonder what your life was like before you became a parent.

Allison said...

Relish in the time you have now to do things when you want to do them - that will be coming to an end soon!
I already can't sleep through the night (I get hot, very very uncomfortable, and I always have to pee) - one down for me. I'm trying to enjoy being able to run to the store or WalMart or the movies whenever I want because once Christmas comes that will never happen again!
Love to you as you wait for... ahhh, I won't spill the secret names... ;)