Friday, October 28, 2005


Well, lest it appear that I am being cavalier about my emotional recovery from infertility, the IF monster strikes back. Oh well, this is going to happen. Here is what's going down.

The other day I read that Brooke Shields and her husband were going to adopt a baby instead of doing IVF again. I was feeing a lot of commeraderie with her about that - a fellow IF'er pursuing adoption. Then yesterday I read that she is pregnant and I feel betrayed. First, how stupid is this? I don't know Brooke Shields, and I wouldn't even know about this if I weren't such an internet snoop. So now I feel betrayed by Brooke Shields? Betrayed by someone I don't even know. Does this sound so sad?

Next, this morning I was talking with a friend who, she and her husband, just started trying to get pregnant. She was filled with optimism that she would get pregnant soon. I am feeling a sense of loss about that optimism. I remember those days fondly, hoping and expecting that it would be easy for me to conceive, just like it had for most of my friends and family. Last year another friend started "trying" and was also filled with that easy spirit about it. She conceived in 2 months. This is a loss brought about through IF that people don't think of -

The loss of innocence and hopeful expectation of an easy pregnancy.

These feelings may be overshadowed by a day off tomorrow. It has been a monumentally busy week. I have a choir concert tonight involving ice cream afterwards. Last night I ate the best caramel apple in the world. The WORLD, I tell you! More on that later...stay tuned! Comfort foods? You bet!

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