Sunday, January 15, 2012

When our first-born was first born.

We were in shock. What's this? A baby? And we take him home, like by ourselves, and then what? No kidding.

We'd tried for over three years to get pregnant and finally had enough tests and needles and catheters. We moved on to adoption in October of 2005 and exactly 364 days later, on our 4th anniversary, got The Call!

BB came home 16 days after that and we were parents.

It was very hard. We loved him from the first minute we set eyes on him but it did take me a month and a half or so to really bond with him and feel like Mommy. It only took one projectile vomiting onto my shoulder and one night terror, and that's when I knew that I would die for this boy - he was my baby.

And her baby. BB had a first mother, a birth mother. I worried about her. Was she OK? Was she heartbroken? Would she regret her decision? Our adoption agency advised her and us that it might be an easier adjustment if we spent 4-6 weeks without contact in order to get used to our roles.

About five weeks later we met at Thanksgiving. K had been holding BB and then gave him to me. That's when he puked all over me. She laughed, we laughed. It was like my Christening. We have enjoyed a great relationship over these past five years. We see her as often as we can manage it, and it's not enough.

We were totally unprepared for the nitty gritty of parenting. We were totally prepared for the grateful and loving feelings we had. We were totally prepared for cute outfits and late-night feedings. We were not prepared to put that baby in a stroller and wear circles in our flooring trying to get him to sleep. We weren't prepared for Randy to be up at 3am trying to put together a baby papasan chair in order that the boy may sleep (that didn't work). We weren't prepared to travel with a newborn who wouldn't take a pacifier but screamed without it.

We had so many warm, loving moments and also many "What were we thinking" ones! It's hard to go from a well-rested family of two to a sleep deprived family of three in just two short weeks. Looking back, the most salient memories are taking him to church for the first time, his first overalls, being able to participate in Mommy discussions, and all of the meals our friends graciously brought us! But I do remember with equal clarity screaming at the top of my lungs, "Go to sleeep!" and the time I thought to myself, "Please don't let Cathy Anderson be standing outside my door right now with her lovely meal after hearing me scream at my sweet, fussy baby." She wasn't. (Hooray.)

Newborns are not easy for me. I value my sleep and sanity too much. My favorite age with BB was from about 10 months on, when I began to see his funny, inquisitive personality emerge. By then I was out-to-here pregnant with LB! That is another story still to come. You'll have to come back to hear.


Cathie said...

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Amy T. S. said...

Thanks, Cathie!