Sunday, June 07, 2009

Jealous, much?

I still get jealous of other women who are pregnant. It really makes no sense. I have two precious sons, and there was a time I wasn't sure we'd ever have children of our own. I'm so thrilled with my two sweethearts. My two boys are 1.5 and 2.5 and almost more of a handful than I can manage. We went through more than one straight year getting very little sleep, and it's all I can do to get these guys out of the house.

What do I want with a baby? Do I want a baby? I'm honestly not sure. I believe that I would be content with never having another child and with never having a little girl. I believe if we ever were to be expecting another baby I would be able to get totally on board with that, too, and be excited.

But if I'm so content, then why do I still get jealous when I hear a new pregnancy announced? Is it the attention the mom-to-be gets? Does it remind me of the days when hearing these announcements was devastating and make me hurt all over again? I don't think so. Is it because God has put the desire in my heart for another child or because I'm romanticizing pregnancy and babyhood?

I often wonder if fertile women feel this way, or if this is just an IF thing. Can you tell me? If you're a super-conceiver do you still feel envious of others' pregnancies? If so, when did this go away? Please tell me it will go away. I much prefer content to jealously.

If you think I'm crazy, believe me that's nothing that hasn't crossed my mind a million times before. Just keep that to yourself. ;o)


Christine said...

I'm 36, perimenopausal and fertile.

I still have those days, especially when I realize I'm leaving the child-bearing years. I'm grieving it, and it such a sloooooow process.

Sorry. I realize I'm not helping.

Amy T. S. said...

Yeah, what good are you?

All kinds of good for me!

Liz said...

I'm a super-fertile woman, and I don't have those jealousies. I do have other jealousies related to things I once thought I wouldn't ever have, even though I do now. So my guess is that you are correct - you are identifying with the hurts of the past. I know that I do, even though my hurts aren't fertility related...

Jess said...

Hmmmmm....I still feel this way. I'm not fertile, though, like at all, so I can't give that perspective from myself. I think I am def half wanting another (maybe) and the other half is just that it's that those people CAN and I CAN'T and it should be so simple! but it's so not simple!

It's, for me, jealousy over being unable and having a loss of true CHOICE in the matter. Unless you count being "able" do to IVF, etc, which to some degree you should, of course, since so many can't, in a true sense.

I think, though, that fertile people sometimes DO have those feelings. I strongly suspect a COUPLE of pg/babies have resulted from friends/family seeing my young kids. Really. Because they went from "no way" and "I'm done!" to pregnant while I was ttc/when I had the kids.

And people DO romanticize the baby stage and think "oh it'll be so nice" or "oh, I might never again...."

katie said...

Amy, I used to have periodic pregnancy envy. Somehow, I seem to have been cured from that. Who knows if it will stick, but I'm just not at all interested anymore.