I still get jealous of other women who are pregnant. It really makes no sense. I have two precious sons, and there was a time I wasn't sure we'd ever have children of our own. I'm so thrilled with my two sweethearts. My two boys are 1.5 and 2.5 and almost more of a handful than I can manage. We went through more than one straight year getting very little sleep, and it's all I can do to get these guys out of the house.
What do I want with a baby? Do I want a baby? I'm honestly not sure. I believe that I would be content with never having another child and with never having a little girl. I believe if we ever were to be expecting another baby I would be able to get totally on board with that, too, and be excited.
But if I'm so content, then why do I still get jealous when I hear a new pregnancy announced? Is it the attention the mom-to-be gets? Does it remind me of the days when hearing these announcements was devastating and make me hurt all over again? I don't think so. Is it because God has put the desire in my heart for another child or because I'm romanticizing pregnancy and babyhood?
I often wonder if fertile women feel this way, or if this is just an IF thing. Can you tell me? If you're a super-conceiver do you still feel envious of others' pregnancies? If so, when did this go away? Please tell me it will go away. I much prefer content to jealously.
If you think I'm crazy, believe me that's nothing that hasn't crossed my mind a million times before. Just keep that to yourself. ;o)
We're a happy little family of 5 who have been blessed. God has given us each other, our family and friends, and most importantly, with His only son Jesus who died for us. Jesus was adopted by Joseph, don't ya' know!
5 comments:
I'm 36, perimenopausal and fertile.
I still have those days, especially when I realize I'm leaving the child-bearing years. I'm grieving it, and it such a sloooooow process.
Sorry. I realize I'm not helping.
Yeah, what good are you?
All kinds of good for me!
I'm a super-fertile woman, and I don't have those jealousies. I do have other jealousies related to things I once thought I wouldn't ever have, even though I do now. So my guess is that you are correct - you are identifying with the hurts of the past. I know that I do, even though my hurts aren't fertility related...
Hmmmmm....I still feel this way. I'm not fertile, though, like at all, so I can't give that perspective from myself. I think I am def half wanting another (maybe) and the other half is just that it's that those people CAN and I CAN'T and it should be so simple! but it's so not simple!
It's, for me, jealousy over being unable and having a loss of true CHOICE in the matter. Unless you count being "able" do to IVF, etc, which to some degree you should, of course, since so many can't, in a true sense.
I think, though, that fertile people sometimes DO have those feelings. I strongly suspect a COUPLE of pg/babies have resulted from friends/family seeing my young kids. Really. Because they went from "no way" and "I'm done!" to pregnant while I was ttc/when I had the kids.
And people DO romanticize the baby stage and think "oh it'll be so nice" or "oh, I might never again...."
Amy, I used to have periodic pregnancy envy. Somehow, I seem to have been cured from that. Who knows if it will stick, but I'm just not at all interested anymore.
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