Wah.

I think I'm about due for a good cry.

I think I've been running on autopilot for the past few months. Christmas came and went. Got to get the kids packed in the car, got to get to Granny's house, got to feed the babies, change babies' diapers, now eat something. Got to get the kids packed in the airplane, how am I going to nurse in the plane with my lovely silicone breast shield, oh no I forgot a coat for Big Brother, let's just get up the mountain and we can relax. Pump or breast? Pump or breast?

I could also go for one of those laughs that fill your heart and then break it as it turns into a good cry. I haven't had one of those in awhile, either.

Today we went for a walk and swung on the swings. These are the same swing I swung upon the day we received our infertility diagnosis. They told us that IUI would be a good option for us, and that we could get started whenever we wanted. I didn't want to do IUI, I wanted to adopt. I swung on those swings as high as I could and mourned "normal." Today I was a'swingin' away with my one-year-old son while my 2-month-old son cooed and looked around in his berth in the Graco Duoglider. How did this happen to me? This should make me cry buckets and gobs of fat, happy tears right now, but I'm still in survival mode, I guess.

I've done nothing but post pictures in a long time. It's nice to verbally express myself again. Did you like my incomplete sentences and terrible grammar in paragraph 2? The Grammar Police Chief goes a little crazy sometimes.

Tears? Nope. How about you? When was the last time you had a nice, cathartic, ugly cry?