Into the adoption portfolio...

Are we adorable or what? Thanks for the nephews, Kirk and Leigh!

I'm not heavy

Today I had my adoption physical. After a clean bill of health, my new doctor said to me, "The only thing I would say is that you are heavier than I would like."

Huh? What's THAT supposed to mean? Well, I know what that means, but hello? This is a great time for comments, by the way! ;o)

I am not happy. The first thing I did when I got home was run a mile or so. If this gets me to shed the fertility drug weight I have, then I guess thanks, doc?

One of my dear Hannahs pointed something out that I think makes a lot of sense. After our bodies go through infertility and fail us repeatedly in that area, we expect the adoption physical to turn up something unexpected that will prevent us from adopting. My doctor telling me I am too heavy, while I know that this is not true, is construed by me as my body betraying me again. I definitely feel this way.

Sure, I'd like to shed a few pounds. Who wouldn't? I am sure I have a little extra weight from months of ingesting hormones, too. I just could have done without the weight comment at a time at which I was feeling vulnerable. Justice will prevail, however, if I keep up this exercise regimen I have taken up over the past few days with the holidays here. Where's the fudge so I can look longingly at it while I nibble on a carrot like a rabbit...

Fishing for comments

All right, I know it's usually "fishing for compliments," but I really am fishing for comments. (Thank you, Christine!)

I want to know what you're thinking. How has God used pain in your life to glorify him? What is your experience with infertility or adoption? How cute do you think my nephews are? Or, as I frequently ask Randy, "Don't you think I'm so brave?" What do you think of my book reviews, do you have anything to add? Any book suggestions yourself? What are you doing for Christmas or Hannukah?

Just don't tell me I'll probably get pregnant now that we're adopting! It's such a relief not to hear that. Thank you.

Sleep on it. Come out of hiding - it's fun in here. OK, with posts like yesterday, maybe not so much "fun," but at least you know I'm not pretending to be positive all the time.

Tomorrow I am going to visit my friend whose husband thought their new baby was a boy for several minutes - you know who you are! Sorry to exploit you on my blog. Well, not really, you have to laugh at yourself, right? (And at your husband when you get the chance).

Thanks, friends.

Love,
Amy

Weakness

Why me, Lord?

The holidays are so difficult. I feel so much loss. I would have had a 14-month-old this Christmas, and maybe even be expecting #2. Our baby is nowhere in sight, and everywhere around me there are new babies celebrating their first Christmas or preparing to be born to their first Christmas next year. Of the only babies I am allowed (feline), one has to be dying of cancer. She's so sweet, and when she plays and loves on us it only reminds me that she will be euthanized soon. Why do precious things like dreams of a newborn baby and beloved pets get taken away? What on earth is God's plan with all this? AND, this is nothing compared to what some people are going through this Christmas.

I know the correct answer to all of these questions. That is, the purpose of this life on earth is for us to glorify the Lord. But guess what, sometimes this isn't consoling.

I'm whining, I know. But, I hurt. It's such a very hard time of year to be wanting.

I AM thankful, I really am. I have been blessed with love, salvation, and material things. This must be one of those times where there is one set of footprints in the sand.

Neighbor update

PRAISE God - he's OK. I went over today to check on him and his wife. He shattered his heel and tore some muscle in his side. This doesn't sound so good, but considering the height of the fall and his age, this is a blessing. I suggested that next year he tie a pinecone onto the streamer and just hurl the thing over the tree from the ground.

Well, I am off on a creative adventure - I will post a picture of my creation when I am done.

I am still working on part II of my book review. I'm almost finished with book #3, too. What should I read next?

Adoptive Families Magazine

Our first issue arrived yesterday! It is realy cool, and helps me feel like the process actually is moving forward. Today we delivered our recommendation form to one of our pastors at church.

Could this be our last childless Christmas??? Better enjoy this one as a family of two. So far, so good! Christmas lights are going up today - our first time putting up outside lights as a couple. We want to make sure our baby can find our house!

Please pray for our 75 year old neighbor who fell off a ladder decorating a tree outside. He's fit for 75, but that's a big fall. His name is Jim. Thanks, gang.

Book Review, Part I - Children of Open Adoption

Silber, K. & Dorner, P.M. (1990). Children of Open Adoption. San Antonio, Texas: Corona. ISBN 0-931722-78-0.

This book is dedicated to the authors' parents, children, and their childrens' birthmothers - a touching start to a very open book.

This one was a doozy! Very informative and comprehensive. This book has nine chapters, including:

-Open Adoption: Definition, Evolution, Benefits
-five chapters on open adoption through the child's life span from infancy to teenage years
-Long-Term Benefits for Everybody (includes parents, adoptees, birthparents, extended families, adoption professionals).

The goal of the book is to discuss issues regarding open adoption with children at various ages. It contains many letters from birthparents to children, adoptive parents to birthparents, and children to birthparents. The letters interspersed throughout the book keep the reader engaged and touched. Have tissures nearby.

Here is Silber and Dorner's definition of open adoption: "Open adoption includes the birthparents and adoptive parents meetring one another, sharing full identifying information, and having access to ongoing contact over the years. All three components must occur to fit this definition" p. 9. They go on to say, "Our new definition recognizes the birthparents as relatives of the child.... Acceptance of this reality is an important prerequisite to open adoption and an ongoing family relationship" p. 10.

Essential ingredients in open adoption include understanding that there are grief issues for each member of the adoption triad: baby, birthparents, and adoptive parents. People believe that the adoption experience is all joy and excitement for adoptive parents, but adoptive parents also deal with their own grief over the loss of their fertility. They quote, "Infertility is a loss - it is a loss of the imaginary or fantasy child. They will go through all of the normal stages of grieving for this loss, just as if they had lost a child through death. However, society does not relate to or understand the loss in infertility..." p. 23. It is especially important to process this loss in open adoption, because there is no pretending that the adopted child was born to the adoptive parents. Counseling is important in the open adoption experience so that each member of the triad can process their own feelings and grief.

Here are some highlights from the life stages:

Infancy - open adoption leads to feelings of bonding and entitlement because the birthparent has specifically chosen the adoptive couple to parent, so the adoptive parents feel entitled to raise the child.

Preschool age - talk about the birthparents often so that it becomes a normal part of your child's life and not a taboo, bizarre thing to them, don't leave out the part of your child's having come from their birthmothers womb, so they won't feel like they came from the agency and everyone else came from mommy's tummy

School-age child - children need to know that they are loved by their birthparents, and ongoing contact will assure them of this. This becomes especially important if the child gets teased about how his "real parents" didn't love him. He will know that is not true. Silber and Dorner state, " What we have seen in open adoption is a greater degree of comfort and peace with one's reality when contact is part of hte adoption experience" p. 73. This chapter also discusses the appropriate times to share information with your child regarding their birthparents life experiences and other children, visitiation, etc.

Stay tuned for part II!

Snow Day!

Can you believe us Texans? It is 35 degrees and a chance of rain, so the whole town has shut down. The University of Texas at Austin closed at 2:pm and all church activities are cancelled for tonight.

So, I did NOT just eat three fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies in honor of the free time. (By the way, "I didn't eat [blank]" really means, "Yep, I sure did" at our house.)

Today our darling music minister agreed to write an adoption recommendation for Randy and I. He knows us both well and jumped for joy when he found out we were getting married. Also, Randy has his adoption physical set up for next week, and dear Stacey and Jose sent in their recommendation letter. Stacey hopes they like the pictures they drew of us! (See the episode of Friends where Joey writes a letter for Monica and Chandler and they think he's a child?) We look like this:

;o)

Especially on a snow day (it might be 34 degrees now).

New book review coming later!

Love,
Amy

Nephew stories

Apparently there was a lot of baby cousin talk at my parents house for Thanksgiving! I have two of the cutest, blondest, smartest nephews in the world (and another on the way!) Since my SIL (sister-in-law) is expecting another little guy in May, babies are a big theme right now. I wasn't there so I don't know exactly how these conversations came up, but I would not be surprised if my nephew Kyle (5-yrs) asked if we had a baby. He is very sensitive to that and prays for us to have a baby.

So, I think these stories will be much cuter if you saw how cute these guys were. Here are some recent pictures...




Right-o.

My little guy Kolben (3-yrs) has a favorite song. It goes like this. "Pinkle, pinkle, little staw. How I wondoo what you awe." So, he wants his new baby brother to be named Pinkle. And, he wanted his baby cousin to be named Pinkle. He's consistent, he is. My mom had him talk to me on the phone and she asked him, "What do you want to name your baby cousin?" He called out, "Hannah" and went on his way. This is cool for two reasons. First, we'd love a little girl (or a little boy!), and second, Hannah's Prayer Ministries has been a Godsend for me on my infertility journey (check out the weblink on the right). Pretty cool.

Next, someone, either my mom or SIL was explaining adoption to Kyle. Here's about how it went.
Mom: "Amy and Randy are going to adopt a baby. The baby will grow in another woman's tummy and then Amy and Randy will be it's parents."
Kyle: "Who is the baby going to live with?"
Mom: "The baby will live with Amy and Randy."
Kyle: "Oh, good."
Kolben: "I a cousin, too!"



Does it get any cuter than this? I think not! Thank heavens for little boys!

I made it - what a week!

I did it - got through the week (with God's help). To top it off, today I sent an email to my friend Nathan thinking he was Randy. I was wondering why Randy did not get the message - mystery solved!

I left my brain in one of several places: a) UT, b) Canyon Vista Middle School, c) Bannockburn Baptist Church, c) my colleagues office, d) my piano students' house, e) Hyde Park Baptist Church, f) McCallum High School, g) Burnet Middle School, h) the chiropractor's office, i) Perry Castanedas Library. Most of those locations I visited on Thursday. What am I going to do this weekend? Sleep!

(And maybe get a Christmas tree - is it really Christmas time?)

I am afraid this blog entry is famously uninteresting. I am just excited to be posting when I do not next have to do a homework assignment.

Adoption news - ask me tomorrow. We may have some more of our paperwork done this weekend. We're ready to move on. It feels like we are at a standstill right now. Maybe next Christmas we'll finally have a little one. I hope so!